Second Thoughts
by fangirl75
Summary: An alternate take on the weeks following the final showdown where the Bellas won.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Beca, we need to talk."  
>I look up from my bed where I am listening to my latest mix.<br>How the heck did he get in? Didn't Kimmy Jin lock the door?  
>Staring intently at me are the biggest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen. Brown, intense and endearing, but right now- I find his gaze unnerving.<br>I sigh and remove my head phones- avoiding his intensity.

"Hey Jesse...….." I go for all cool calm and casual but fail miserably.  
>"Why have you been avoiding me Beca?"<br>It's been 3 weeks since our show stopping (if I do say so myself) performance and I've until now been successfully dodging Jesse with the excuse of finals exams.  
>He finally has me cornered and somehow I feel guilty .<br>Am I blushing? I dont blush! I admonish myself and fix my eyes fiercely on the toes of my Cons to try to focus.  
>"Jesse. .. You know how crazy its been, what with exams and graduation for the seniors and all the good byes we are making and I've been flat out at the station!" my voice sounds whiny and I sarcastically congratulate myself how full of words I can be when I feel put on the spot.<p>

I risk a peek at Jesse and my heart silently breaks for him with the look he is giving me. He is such a great guy- even I can see that. He is sweet and kind and funny and talented and smart as hell plus so well adjusted thanks to his cookie- cutter- normal all- American Apple -pie family. My mouth twists in a grimace when I think of all I cannot give him and the sharp pain of guilt causes me to bite my lip in alarm.  
>"Beca, you know I don't want to pressure you into something you are not ready for. I'm not asking for grand declarations of love- just to hang out and do normal stuff together- like couples do!" he pauses and a look of clarity hits his gorgeous face. "Oh, so I'm guessing you don't think of us as a couple?"<br>"Look Jesse…."  
>"Noooooo I get it", he interrupts, "that kiss was some sort of victory dance and I just happened to be the recipient. If it didn't mean anything then why did we spend that whole weekend holed up in here while Kimmy Jin was away? You know, cos that weekend sure meant something to me!", his voice catches and its all I can do to look away. .<br>At that moment Kimmy Jin walks in with her posse of giggling Koreans and they all stop in the doorway and stare at us. This interruption had a sense of de ja vu about it and I suddenly feel tired, and a little bit sad. Jesse looks to me with a pained expression, shoves his hands in his pockets and mutters "Saved by the bell, hey Beca?" and turns towards the door. "Bye Jesse" twitters Kimmy Jin and it strikes me at that moment the effect Jesse has on people that even Kimmy Jin is entranced by him. The thought depresses me as the door closes firmly and I feel 5 pairs of eyes glare at me. Of course, Kimmy Jin still doesn't acknowledge me. With a heaviness in the pit of my stomach I yank on my head phones hurting my largest Ear spike in the process and curse myself. I kick off my old worn Cons and stretch my legs along the full length of my bed. Turning my back to Kimmy and her friends who are now engrossed in 'Just Dance' on her Wii, I roll over and close my eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I'm in the shower and its the first time I can really be alone with my thoughts.

I'm humming a song by Pharrell Williams but realise I'm humming a combination of a few of his songs. I am lost in the melody in my head with my eyes firmly closed. I squirt some body wash onto my shower puff. I start at my feet and can't help but dance a little which is uncharacteristic for me. As I'm scrubbing the rich foamy bubbles along my calves and then move to my arms I feel a soft hand rest on my left hip.

I freeze and hear a soft voice close to my right ear say "Here, let me" and her hand takes the puff from my hand and her other hand stretches out my arm and begins a slow delicate trail down my arm. My breathe hitches and I realise my eyes are still shut. Do I dare open them? I feel if I do open my eyes I will have to acknowledge what is happening and the awkwardness . This, however, does not feel awkward and the steamy air feels electric.

Her breath is still in my ear and the sweet scent she omits makes me know for certain I know who this is. I continue to stand there - almost frozen, as she repeats her actions on my other arm and I realise she is behind me. Suddenly I feel the body puff at my right shoulder and she murmurs in my ear, "you are so beautiful" and at that moment her hand moves the scrub from my clavicle down my sternum and across to my left breast.

My eyes widen in surprise under their lids and its all I can do not to peek. The soap is scrubbed up and around, up and around and I feel the muscles in my breast rise and fall with each soaping and I sense a tenseness at the centre of each. I feel her left arm snake around my left hip and her free hand rests lightly on my abdomen. My pulse quickens and I suddenly feel hot. I feel her body close behind me and she moves closer and her breath tickles the back of my neck. My right breast is now under attack of her rhythmic soaping and I know without touching them my nipples are hard. I almost completely lose my cool when I feel her lips on the back of my neck where a few loose tendrils of hair are falling from the updo.

The sensation and the soap and the steam and the darkness behind my eyelids is intoxicating and I feel a heavy pull between my legs. I bite my lip as she now continues to soap up my stomach in a lazy motion then around my hip then to the small of my back. Her free hand now traces the path of the shower puff and I clutch both my arms modestly to my chest. She presses the puff between my back and her body as her hands come around my front and I feel her breasts pushed against my shoulder blades. She is taller than my 5"4' and I feel completely enveloped by her arms and her body. 'mmmmm...' I inwardly groan and hope it wasn't audible to her.

Her hands grab both my wrists and pull them to my sides and before I can react her light finger tips trace a path across my stomach and up my sternum and then down my sides from below my arm pits and immediately my body reacts in goose bumps. Her hands then rest upon my shoulders with the soft skin of her inner arms lightly touching my very awake nipples.

"Now you are all clean" and with a lick across the back of my neck I feel her pull away and the shower puff falls to the floor with a heavy splat. I open my eyes now in eagerness but she is gone and all that is left is the swaying shower curtain and the heat on my skin. I have never been this worked up in my life. ..


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Beca, wake up!"  
>I open my eyes in alarm and find my dad peering at me. I'm still in my clothes with my head phones still on. Confused I lift my head and blink a few times. Where's my towel? Why arent I in the shower? I rip my head phones from my ears ignoring the throb from my ear spike and realise where I am.<br>"It's 10am, Beca - Kimmy Jin says you've been asleep for 14 hours! Are you ok?" Dad blinks while looking at me intently. Shucks, why does every one look at me like that? Can't they just leave me alone? I blush when I think of the one situation where I didn't want to be left alone and then I silently berate myself. Do I want to become a girl that blushes?!  
>I swing my legs over the edge of the bed to sit up "Dad, relax, I'm ok, just tired from all the stress of exams, you know …." my voice sounds strained and I hope my dad doesn't notice.<p>

Luckily he continues without missing a beat "well sweetheart, I know today is your last study day as your final exam is tomorrow- what time is it again?" I roll my eyes at the 'sweetheart' reference - he knows I hate pet names, yet taking a deep breath I answer him calmly- "it's at 4, Dad. I should be out by 6"  
>He grins a little too broadly "great - ill pick you up at 6.30 - dinner on me to celebrate the end of your first year!"<p>

I try to look enthused and he adds "Of course you should bring Jesse - he has finished exams too hasn't he?"

"Today, dad, Jesse's last exam is today" I glance at the gold clock above Kimmy's desk and see that Jesse's exam starts in half an hour- I missed my chance to call and wish him luck. Thinking about Jesse makes me feel heavy inside again and I say to my father "No I think Jesse is busy tonight with Benji or the Trebles or something."

A lie but dad doesn't need to know.

He looks genuinely sorry "Well that's a shame, I like how he brings out the lighter side to you"

'not at the moment' I want to mutter but silence myself by biting my lip.

I muster some energy "sure dad, 6.30 tomorrow, ill meet you out front near carpark C"  
>He stands straight and smooths his beige 'professor uniform' trousers and looks pleased with himself.<p>

"Well, great, I'll see you then, Beca, and good luck with your exam if I don't see you before then!" and like that he is gone.  
>I take a moment to look around the room and notice I am alone- Kimmy is at break fast with her friends before they all head home for the summer. The realisation that the heat I feel on my skin still was just from a dream makes me feel bereft like I have lost something very previous. 'Oh get a grip, Beca' I chide myself like a child and stand up.<p>

I need coffee, breakfast and a shower and I need them NOW.

Later that day whilst im doing my final study cram - complete with head phones and the largest low fat long macchiato topped-up that Starbucks can produce, I hear the ping of my email. I shove aside my 'Diversity amongst Cultures' text and flip open my macbook pro.  
>I stifle a groan- of COURSE it's from Jesse.<br>' Beca - please can we talk - alone? How about I pick you up for break fast tomorrow morning from your dorm and we can talk uninterrupted ? Please Beca? I go home for the summer holidays in 3 days and I was really hoping you could come meet my family for July 4...'  
>My eyes widen in surprise.. Meet. Family? Any other 'normal' girl would find that adorable and giggle as she reports his adoration to her friends.<p>

Sheesh, I curse to myself as I hit the reply button. This is not going to be easy but I owe it to him as he is probably my best friend. I think of my other best friend with her strawberry blonde hair and I feel a tightness in my abdomen again.  
>'Jesse. You are right. I'm sorry I have been such a pain in the neck. Tomorrow sounds great - you know I will need a ginormous long Mac so as long as it's your shout (haha) come by about 9am. You nerd. Beca'<br>I tap on send and as it shoots off I feel a sense of relief. Maybe we can still be friends. Maybe he will never have to know about my 'other' feelings. If they even really exist. Jesse deserves so much better than me. He deserves a more mainstream girl like Stacey or Aubrey or Chlo... my heart skips a beat as my mind rolls around her name like the ocean around a grain of sand. Shit. I shake my head. I really need to focus.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The day is finally here. I awake early for once and do a double cram, shower (the whole time thinking of *that* shower) and am heading out the door to tempt fate with a coffee from the cafeteria to start me off when a familiar and pretty face heads towards me.  
>"Girrrrrrllllll frrrrennnn... whhhhaaassssuuuppp?" drawls Fat Amy in her best attempt at 'born and bred in the US'.<p>

I laugh - she is the one person to never fail at getting me to laugh. "Amy Amy, you Aussie wonder - long time no see- it's been about 2-3 weeks!"

"yeah, I been walkabout since our no fraternising with the Trebles ban has been abolished, and you know...," she pauses and sucks the tip of her index finger, "Bumper's back for graduation" she winks.

"You mean they are gonna let that piece of shit graduate?" I am genuinely surprised and Amy beams.

"Stuff Bumper!" she threads her arm through mine and leads me down the hall away from the direction of the cafeteria. "I'm really here, bitch-kebab, to drag you out of your 'emo-alt-cave' and I have strict instructions to take you out - its a girl's morning!"

My mind scrambles. ... "But I have to study!" she waggles a finger at me "uh uh unhh- Aubrey insisted all the Bellas get together so think of me, mah Dee-uhh, as your personal chauffeur." Elbows me and winks "I've borrowed Bumper's Hummer"

Of course Bumper has a Hummer.  
>"Wow! Things must be pretty serious between you two" I raise an eyebrow and supress a grin. Fat Amy peers down at me and with her free hand on her hip she gives a little pelvic thrust. "Let's just say this girl from Down Under has a few secrets, downunder" she laughs wholeheartedly and I resist the urge to say 'TMI'. Instead realisation hits me, "So, ALL the Bellas are getting together?" My mind goes into over drive as I picture who will be there - one person in particular with clear blue eyes that are startlingly intense.<br>"Um, course, dork features, whaddidyou expect?" Her quizzical look is lost on me as I follow her down the hall. She high fives a few people and finger signs a few others - everyone loves Fat Amy and she is ridiculously popular. My mind churns and I am immune to all that is going on around me. I feel like I had something to do this morning but the memory was like a flicker so I dismiss it and tune into Amy's babbling about how many Trebles she's managed to woo.

On the way to the car Stacie joins us and soon after Jessica and Cynthia Rose are found leaning against the black Hummer.  
>"This car is ridiculous" I proclaim. "a gas guzzling drone on the environment"<br>Amy gives me a 'shut the hell up' look and with her palm flat in front of my face says "Sorry Miss Greenpeace, but my Prius is getting a service"  
>There are sniggers from the others girls as Cynthia calls shot gun and I am herded onto the back seat between Stacie and Jessica - two gorgeous blondes with big lips. (Yes Stacie is currently blonde. Last month it was Katy Perry Blue)<br>"Sooooo, Beca..." drawls Stacie. - how does she manage to make everything so sexual? " what's going on with you and lover boy? Unicycle says Jesse is a bit forlorn.. What's the G-O? You not puttin' out? cos even with his baby face he is pretty sexy and I'll tap that if it's wasted on you" she winks at Jessica and Jessica laughs.  
>I scream and curse inwardly at the nature of girls - why do they have to know EVERYTHING?<br>"Ummm, yeah it's okay, just taking it slow and, well, you know. .." I stammer but Stacie pounces  
>"Don't give me that crap, Beca! I know about the weekend you guys spent in your room without coming out for air! Benji told me he was so worried about you guys he took you pizza and cokes!"<br>I inwardly curse the Treble-Bella grapevine as I look to the front of the car as Amy and Cynthia crack jokes at lightning pace. I wish a hole would open up in the Hummer's floor and I could just fall through. Luckily I am saved by Amy's 'cultural diversity'.  
>"Sweet baby Jesus, Amy - what the hell are you doing?" screams Cynthia as Jessica lurches to the side and grabs the handle near the roof.<br>"Wrong side Amy!" Stacie is near hysterical as a motorbike is nearly swiped by us. "Right, we drive on the right!"  
>Cynthia grabs the steering wheel and steers sharply narrowly missing a cyclist with tree trunk calves.<p>

"Relax... don't do iiit" murmurs Amy as she keeps her cool. "I was just keeping youse bitches on your toes- no need to get your knickers in a knot"  
>She points ahead "Look we are here" and she pulls into the driveway of Pancake Parlour and we all grab the interior handles as she flies into a spot and just like that brakes hard. I glance at Stacie and Jessica with a half grin "Well. We are all in one piece"<p>

"Never mind I just pooped my pants" complains Cynthia.  
>Amy bats a hand at us in dismissal, "Bah- bunch-a cissies the lot-a-ya" and with that she climbs down from the drivers seat and we follow suit.<p> 


End file.
